Hi, I Exist..

Bismillahirohmanirrohim..

Helww ! Assalamualaikum ! Annyeonghasaeyo ! :D heehee. Okay laa.. post kali niee, xnak sedey2 lgi dah. xnak stress2. xnak depress2. xnak cheesy wedges......eyh, silap. nak cheesy wedges ! Tapi, TAK NAK cheesy lovey dovey. Okay.... haa ? Ape ? terkejut tgk post niee dlm bhasa Melayu plak ? Aii.....kasar tuee :( No, I've never forgotten my mother's language. Saja jer nak tukar2 bhasa.. tgk laa 2 taon akan datang.. tetiba aku update blog dlm bhasa Korea plak :p Haaa.....boley seminggu korg xdapat tdor malam wooo ! Alright. Done with my language for today. Nak kongsi2 sket laa.. Blog niee khas nyaa untuk berkongsi serba sedikit laa ekk.

Korg penah rasa tak atau, penah alami tak.......... One-sided love ? Alaa...cinta bertepuk sebelah tangan laa, korg niee. Penah tak ? Cewaahh..tetiba tnya pasal cinta nihh ! Sejak bila pulaaakk, cik Fyqah oiiiiiii ? Dh reti nak bercintan - cintun pulaaaak keeeer ? Dh cukup ilmu di dada keerrrrrrr ? Nak kata cukup tuee....mmg tak penah cukup sbenarnyaa. Huhu.. Alaa...nak halang mcm mana pon, korg nak deny mcm mana skali pon.. Nurafiqah Hashim a.k.a Fyqah Yuy a.k.a Yuy .. is still a teenage GIRL. Sila repeat smula.. TEENAGE GIRL ! Pandai murid2 :D Dh nama pon perempuan, mesti laa aku ada perasaan, ada jantung yg berdenyut2, ada perut yg sentiasa minta diisi walaupon dh padat sepadat2 kaset padat kat dlm tuee, ada hati yg masih berfungsi dgn (Alhamdulillah) jaya nyaa. Tapi, aku sndiri kena halang perasaan niee. Tak nak jatuh2 hati kat org skang.....tpi kalo tgk dia ngan org lain.. Adoiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii......bukan ditusuk sembilu.. Tapi ibarat ditusuk gigi2 ikan jaws dah niee ! Sakit tak ? Sakit tak ? Ngilu, beb...

Ye..mmg aku ada 'terpandang' this one guy.. Sayang sgt aku kena pkai specs kalo nak tgk muka dia ngan clear. Sebab skang niee...aku dh semakin rabun. ....tuee laa...asyik ngadap laptop jer keje nyaa.. Tak pasal2 rabun ! So tak clear sgt laa wajah kesayangan hamba tuee. Heehee. Tak clear pon xpe, janji aku x blushing2 kalo tetiba dia muncul depan2 muka aku. Tapi...mmg xde chance laa nak kenal2an gituee ngan this guy.. Mana tak nyaa...PEMINAT KELILING PINGGANG, man ! Mcm nak berkenalan ngan abg Nubhan plak aii...... Kenalan ngan abg Nubhan pon tak susah mcm niee ! Kalo ngan abg Nubhan, dapat calling2, snap2 gambar, siap bersalam mesra lagi tau ! Kalo ngan diaa nieee.. ! Aissyyyyh ! Eden nak cakap pon dah habih ayat den ! Punyo susah mengalahkan PM ! Kalo den ushaa PM tuee, dalam limo bulan couple, tau ?! Susah yaa amat nak jadi kawan. Tapi, takpe laa..kalo bukan rezeki, nak buat mcm mana kn. Redha kn jer laa.. walaaaupoooooooon.. ;)

 Tapi susah gak...kalo jatuh ngan org yg bnyak peminat nih. Lagi2 kalo jenis perempuan yg mcm aku niee...dok ushaa jer. Suruh cakap, 'HELLOOOO' pon xnak. Penah laa berbhasa2 sket ngan diaa.....tpi takat tue jer laa.. Dia pon xingat aku kot........ Bukan stakat tak ingat, ntah2, tau pon tidak yg aku nie wujud lagi ! Adoiiii laa, Yuy ! Wake up laa, weyyh ! A Level nihh ! Taon niee A Level ! Kalo nak bercintan - cintun tunggu habis A niee.. dapat As bnyak2. Lepas tuee... ekau petik jer jari... Bukan setakat jantan, ngan lembu2 jantan, katak jantan, kucing jantan, ayam jantan buaya daratan pon datang kat ekau tau ?! Tapi kena dapat markah yg ' WOW, Fantastic Baby' dulu laa.. Setakat dapat E - E - U .. Rimau jantan pon tengok sebelah mata jer.. (Amboi, kasar nyaa.......... -_-) I don't know about others. Sebab kata org, zman skang niee.. physical - facial - appearances mmg NO. 1 in boys' eyes laa. Tuee org kata. Org mcm aku niee......tak tau laa. Bermesra2 ngan kucing jantan aku jer laa nampak nyaa.

Nak cerita panjang2... Takut kantoi lak. Haahaahaa ! So, let's end it here.. :) Nak tau lebih lanjut, kena tanya aku sndiri laa. Mana boley luah everything kat blog, kat internet, kat FB.. humiliation tuee ! Korg jgn laa berharap kat FB tuee..tak pyh laa nak luah sgala2 nyaa. Percaya cakap aku niee.. dengar apa yg aku nak kata, lepas tuee korg renung2 kan laa sendiri. Tiap kali korg update status...luah korg pnya perasaan mcm tengah buat essay 10 pages tak selesai.... Org lain yg kat friendlist korg tuee membaca.. Dan tak smua org dalam dunia niee..dan yg kat dalam friendlist korg tuee akan faham perasaan korg masa tuee. Tup2, kat belakang korg..diorg mengata korg plak sebab status korg tuee mengada2 sgt. Memang laa korg akan kata 'FB aku, aku punya suka laa!' Memang laa korg pnya suka, niee aku pnya suka gak niee nak kongsi sket. Nanti xde laa korg tanggung malu sebab percaya sgt ngan FB kesayangan korg. Kalo betul nak luah, jgn laa melampau sangat smpai jadi novel status tuee korg keje kan.  Kang org lain yg baca kisah kehidupan korg kat FB tuee..kwn2 niee bukan smuanya baik..

Aku xde laa nak tuduh sape2..tpi niee sebagai peringatan jer laa ekk. Nak dengar, dengar. Kalo xnak dengar, pndai2 korg laa. Kalo kawan korg tuee org yg faham korg, pndai nak comfort korg, aamiin.. Alhamdulillah.. Kalo terkena jenis kawan yg berangan nak jadi journalist terkenal dengan menjaja kisah2 korg yg kat FB tuee kt kawan2 diaa yg lain, atau kwn2 korg yg satu pejabat, satu skolah, satu class ngan korg.. Naya yoouuuu ! Niee setakat peringatan jer laa yee ? Aku pon xde hak nak halang. Nak luah gak, pegi laa luah. Tapi lgi elok kalo korg luah kat Allah.. Kalo korg menangis, Allah jugak yg akan sembuhkan luka korg. Korg xpayah susah2 jadi WiFi nak luahkan perasaan kat Allah. Buka paip air, ambil wudhu, sembahyang...dah ! Dah online ngan Allah dah ! Senang jer.. masa korg tengah sorg2 tuee. Daripada korg dok mengumpat berjela2 mengalahkan textbook Sociology Haralambous aku niee..kalo korg berdoa kat Allah, minta lembut hati, minta murah rezeki.. KAT DALAM HATI jer.. tak payah nak jerit2, terpekik terlalak...Allah boley dengar. Daripada korg susah2 top-up credit semata2 nak mengumpat jer.... Buat perabis duit jer.. Susahnya, korg gak nanti. Ye tak ? Ye tak ? Heehee. Okay laa.. THE END ! Alhamdulillah..

Ladies out there..- Para Muslimah..
 ~ Jadilah seperti Siti Khadijah : Seorang pejuang dan seorang yang dermawan meskipun dia seorang wanita.
 ~ Jadilah seperti Siti Aisyah : Seorang wanita yang berilmu, dan seorang yang indah rupanya.
 ~ Jadilah seperti Siti Zulaikha : Seorang wanita yang taat dan kuat cintanya pada Allah.
 ~ Jadilah seperti Siti Hajar : Seorang wanita yang tabah.
 ~ Dan jadilah seperti ibu Rasulullah S.A.W - Siti Aminah binti Abdul Wahab : Seorang wanita yang kuat, berani dan mempunyai ketabahan hati.

Selagi ada masa, berubahlah untuk jadi yang baik.. Selagi ada masa, selagi masa belum dihentikan, selagi pintu belum ditutup. :) Niee laa.. antara idola2 para Muslimah. Dengar jer nama diorg...rasa mcm sejuk jer hati. Takkan laa rasa sejuk kat hati jer...tak terfikir nak jadi mcm diorg ker ?

Just A Puppet - Happy or Sad?

Helww ! Assalamualaikum.. Annyeonghasaeyo :) Heehee. *sigh* ....I don't even know the reason WHY I still want to post anything on this blog anymore....I just realized that I'm all alone here. Eyhh..not really..I knew it from the start that no one will actually stay forever. So yeah, now..here I am... Alone.. Again. December is here. I wonder how winter feels.. [Let's just say, I'm going to talk about weird & random stuffs now..] And my older brother has finally met his 'soulmate' and is officially married to her on the 16th December 2012. Congratulations, my big bro.

I've planned to leave this blog. To delete it, to be specific. I don't feel like I need it anymore. If you notice, I already deleted my chat-box long ago. [If you even realized it was there before] I don't need it anymore. I don't want any comforts from others. I don't need anything from outside. I'm still looking for myself.. I've lost it again. Yeah, maybe my words are too complicated to understand.. I've lost myself....as I start to fall apart, to shatter.. While others have their 'friends' by their side...I only have my Rilakkuma doll - Bingu - as my friend. I hug him when I feel bored, I cry on him when I feel insecure, I kiss my - Bingu Kuma - when I feel lonely. I even talk to it when I feel like I need to. What else can a girl like me do ? I'm just a human-puppet. I live as a human and free as a girl, but actually being restrain by strings, control my every move, word and act. I can't do anything. I can't escape. The only thing I can do is....to make a friend smiles, at least once.

I know that I'm useless. I know. I can't do anything by myself. I still depend on someone to drag me from place to place. I can't do anything right. I can't..express my feelings nor my thoughts out loud. I can't act on my own. I can't hurt myself....why can't I hurt myself ? No, I'm not giving up.. I'm not whining either. If I can't let my feelings out orally, I'll let my thoughts to be heard by words. I can't say how happy I am, I can't express how to sad I am, I can't scream out for help when I'm in pain..... I can't even say a word to make a friend.. What else can I do ? Puppets can't talk. Puppets don't have normal friends. Puppets....only have their masters, their owners. What am I ? I miss everyone. My past life......what had happened to me ? Who brought me here to where I am standing now ? Wait, puppets can't cry. No, they do cry......but no one realizes that single tear on their wooden, cold cheeks.

Everyone has their friends now. Everyone is happy now. They are smiling even wider now. Can I feel the same way too ? I just want a friend who acknowledges my existence.. and my pain. I have those feelings too. The feelings you always have when you told me you are 'broken' by someone. I have experienced the same feelings too. Are you still crying when they hurt you ? Are you okay now ? How are you doing, my friend ? Are you happy with them ? Are they being nice to you ? Do they treat you right ? .....my concerns.....might just seem like an empty space for you, right ? My concerns....might annoy you, right ? I'm sorry. ...When I'm deathly worried about you..you're actually happy without my nagging, and stupid voice to disturb you now. I'm happy for you. I really do :) I really wish you could see my smile right now. No, I'm not talking about my late best friend. I'm talking about you.... my friends now...wherever you are. You might say I'm the one who is leaving you first.... I did that because I know you will feel my existence is a burden to you.

However, my friends.....my words may be rude..but my intention is so I feel comfortable around you. My actions may be harsh..but my intention is so I can be accepted as who I am....and not as who you want me to be. I don't want to pretend.. I'm happy now. I'm happy that my friends are happy. I'm happy that no one witnesses me crying over something stupid. I'm happy that though I don't have anyone to hug.... I still can hug my Bingu without being judge. I'm happy. I'm smiling.... I really do. My friends........I don't know how to express my feeling, my guilt.......I don't know how. They say my life is perfect.....but they don't know my stories.. Ignore me. I just need a place to release these thoughts. If I keep them further.....I don't think I will be able to see the future anymore :)

Goodnight, world. Goodnight, Fyqah. Goodnight, Yuy. Goodnight....

The October Girls

 Helww :) Assalamualaikum ! It has been long since my last post here..... Hee..~ Okay, fine. October had passed....fine. fine. However.....I've shed too much tears in October, I think. Why ? I cried too much, of course ! Yes, struggling for my final exams, lack of sleep, lack of confidence, lack of everything ! As our exam ended on the 25th of Oct.........I cried again. Why ? I was hoping for a usual birthday greetings from my friends.......but I think I received more than I deserve :( I don't deserve their kindness, seriously !!

[Not a dramatic scene!]

Yes, I didn't expect anything like this... I'm officially 18 now :) ..and here, I vow.. for my 18th birthday, it is the most precious moment for a teenage girl.


[Date : 29/10/2012
Location : School canteen
Time : Set 5 - P.S Time]

I cried because Hajah (my best friend since forever :p ) surprised me with a video they created !! ....or more like she was the only one who created it and helped by the others :) They said it was just a simple video.......but for me, I see it as the most valuable treasure ! Because it is from my friends.. She even lied to me !! How could you, Jah ?! What did I do ??? How could you lie to your friend ?! How could you make me cry like that ?! Why ?! WHY ?! WAE ?! {insert dramatic crying scene and a dance to Keep Your Head Down here} Okay, too much drama. Yes, I cried. Well...who wouldn't ?! She lied to me, saying that "Yuy, can you help me with my English ?" And I believed her because she is still taking English Language...but then, the video... the opening of the video was 'Novel Saga - Watak n Perwatakan' ..and I was like.. The heck you just gave me, Jah ? English or Malay ?! ..I guess I was so much a fool not to notice anything, huh ? But then..as the video continued........ this sentence popped out 'Happy 18th Birthday FYQAH YUY' .... I strangled her !! Yes, I strangled her for real.....but stopped when I felt my eyes teary.. My other friends were there and they smiled when they saw me cried ! Luckily, there were only Naz, Hajah, Anne & Jia..I think ? Anne was resting, Jia and Naz were sitting together, and I was sitting next to Hajah.. So yeah, the girl who I strangled not to death was Hajah.. How could her ?! And then.....I couldn't stop crying.... But in the end, I hugged Hajah & Naz [almost....because everyone was staring at us..and that was not cool..]

Then, Naz confessed.. "We want to see you cry, Yuy..because you're too 'tough'. So mission accomplished !" Darn, you girls !!!! What do you mean by 'too tough' ?! But then, I realized, yeah...I never shed any tears in front of them before..no matter how hard, and awful the situation was...but I cried just because of a video ?! Seriously, Yuy ? Tskk..

I forgot.. Naz & Hajah are also the October girls :) We were born on the same year, month but different dates ^_^ Happy !


[Date : 30/10/2012
Location : School Canteen
Time : Break-time.
The 'told' mission : Surprise birthday party for Tiqah.
 Real mission : To make me cry again... The F ?!]

I forgot to tell you guys something. Everyone knows how naughty I can be sometimes.. so I made a mistake and posted up a ghost photo on WA and scared my friend off... I tried to apologized, but she ignored me. I gave up..and acted like nothing had happened but still ignoring her.. .....Then, Hajah told me.. "We want to surprise Tiqah !" Tiqah's birthday = 27th October 1993. Yeah, Too close, isn't it ? Sadly, she is a year older than me.. :( Fine. I was happily accepting it ! However, on the same day... they were whispering to each other, but isolated me from the whispering group ! So I just sat and played with my laptop alone, with Naz. Oh, the friend I mentioned earlier is Safwani.. A very sensitive and fun girl. We know each other for years now. So, when Tiqah arrived at the canteen. They took the cakes ! 2 CAKES ! Then I was like... wow ! Why so many cakes ? Then they started to sing the birthday song...and I sang along with them ! Happily and childishly ! But when I tried to walk away to sit with Naz..... Saf grabbed my hand and dragged me to the next table.....surprised, of course ! And I was like... "Wow ? She is not mad at me anymore ?" But another surprise for me.......when she handed me the other cake........ Hell yes, I was surprised !! The twins were still singing and I looked at Tiqah for a while before yelling at Hajah, Naz & Jia !

I gave them a big, friendly not so friendly.. "YAH !!!!!!" For some reasons, I did manage to attract the teachers and the other students attention.... Sorry.. I forced myself to smile and tried to recover from the massive shock ! Darn it ! Why don't they just give me a heart attack on my next birthday ? -_- Yeah, not happy ! They cut the cakes for me and Tiqah.. YEAY CHEESE CAKEs ! Beautiful cakes too ! One cake had a rainbow layer in the inside and the other one is red velvet ! I told Jirah I love red colour over rainbow, and Tiqah loves rainbow colour...... This is too much, girls !! Maybe Tiqah deserves the birthday celebration.......but me ? I don't think I deserve it.... We just know each other for like......few months ! And yet, they are already THIS nice to me ! :'( Waeyo ? And yes....I CRIED AGAIN !!! But this time..........all my friends SAW IT ! They saw me crying ! Even Saf ! Tiqah approached me first and consoled me, "Don't cry, Yuy. Why are you crying?" But I tried to smile at the same time ! But then..Safwani came.... That evil girl ! "Yeah, I finally see you cry, Qah!! Finally ! This is the first time you cry !" And ..... I cried harder ! Hey ! I covered my face okay ! I was trying very, very very hard not to cry......but I guess...when I saw them....I felt like I was celebrating my birthday with my old friends........ Remember my old friends ?

Warn, Nubby, Mirul, Stacey, Tracey, Anis, Kasyah, Safi, Acai, Farah, Azee, Amal, Pikah itik.......everyone.. Even my late best friend......... Him.. I thought I saw him there among the girls...... Why ? You know I can't stop missing you........

But thank you so much, my loves..... Farah, Azee & Amal... They used to shine my day :) They used to be my sunshine, my moon and my angels.... They used to make me smile through the hard times..... But now... they all have their own friends, huh ? :) I'm jealous....because someone else has my best of the best friend ! *pout* ..Please take care of yourself, my loves.. Wasurenaide..

And Thankyou veryvery very much...to my friends NOW :D my beautiful friends ! My beautiful girlfriends ! Thank you so much ! Fafa & my P.S GIRLS ! Thank you everyone...for making me realize that losing him shouldn't be the ending to my friendship life :) Kamsahamnida.. Saranghae.. Jeongmal saranghaeyo

 Thank you Kak Ilah for the message.. Sorry I can't be as good as Chan or any of your friends, Kak. I'm no one to the world..but I'm really grateful to know you. Though we rarely talk/chat..let you know, you will always be the best sister for me. Nae-reul itjji masaeyo.. But please just erase me away if my existence causes trouble or painful memories to you..  LOVE YOU ! :) Thank you Fafa for the phone call ! Sorry I took too long to answer your calls ! Mianhae ! Jeongmal mianhae ! Saranghae, chingu yah ! My Minho :) Thank you Azee & Farah for the messages....thankyou so so much ! I really wish you girls won't forget me.....but I guess, if you girls are happy now.. Just forget me if you must :) But let me keep our memories together, aye ? I love you girls.. more than anything. Amal, thank you so much for tolerating/bearing lot of obstacles with me.. After 3 years knowing you...I can see whoever chooses you as their partner...they must have a very good taste ;) You're a nice, calm and humorous girl ! Whoever breaks your heart.....darn, that human must be stupid.. LOL ! Heehee..

Safwani/Saf & Me [This girl made me cried ! She was also the one who planned everything from the start ! She confessed that she was not even mad at me..and wanted to make me cry ! Darn, you ! I'll take Onew away !!]

From left - Mirah, Me, Jia Woei & Hajah. [My loves..my entertainers !]

During Naz's birthday celebration - Back row : HK Twins; Yaya & Rara. Yusri, Halimah & Hajah. Front row : Me, Naz (birthday girl) & Fizah [Yes, there are more than just us..........but my laptop screen can't fit everyone !]

Thank you so much, loves !!!! I can't stop thanking you.... So, though this year might be the last year for us to be together, and some of us might leave again next year.. Please be safe, take care and be happy.. Remember those endless laughter and unfading smiles.. Remember them always :) Stay strong !

The October Girls :
Espanadirah : 3.10.1994
Hajah Farwizah : 4.10.1994
Chin Lee Hui : 6.10.1994
Nazuha/Naz : 9.10.1994
Atiqah : 27.10.1993
Me : 28.10.1994

:) Off !

Smile..

* It Hurts..But Your Smile Heals My Wound *

Helww ! Assalamualaikum ! Annyeonghasaeyo ! :) How are you guys ? Urghh...my head hurts. My back aches. I'm sick ! :( Hey, guys.. Have you ever wondered how a simple question can actually TEAR your heart apart ? Well, I'm just saying though.. :) No hard feelings, please.

"Yuy, why are you smiling?"

Me : Because you're smiling (?)

"I wonder when I will be able to see you smiling by yourself."

Me : What do you mean ? O.o

"You always say that you're smiling because people around you are smiling. I want to see you smiling because you deserve it."

Me : ... Maybe someday..

Yeah, it hurts knowing that I can't smile for myself. I always feel like I don't deserve it, yet. *sigh. What ? Too lame ? Say whatever you wish to say, I won't bother to care anyway. Yeah, you know why ? Because my wounds won't be healed by it :) I'm telling you, this life is nothing but one way ride. Once you said, you really mean it.

No offence. I'm not talking about anyone.. Just pouring out some emotions here :) My friends make me happy (thank you) but when I'm alone...who will actually 'remember' my existence ? 

Eyh..I'm just going to make this post as short as possible. The more I write, the more heart breaks will occur. Honestly, I hate how my words control me instead of the other way round *sigh. I just hope my friends won't mind.. I hope they will stay and SAY something to stop me from 'swearing, cursing etc..' I need that kind of friend.. A friend who will stop my word.. I mean, not when I'm talking ! When I'm cursing about something. Yeah, I curse a lot nowadays *blush. 

Yuy is signing off !

P/S : I miss you, Kak Ilah. I really miss you :( The moon doesn't want to talk to me anymore..almost every night, it hides away from me. I'm a bad person. Kak Ilah, saranghamnida <3 :) Forever and always..

Tears, Tears, Tears..

* My Tears....Are Invisible To The World *

Helww ! Assalamualaikum ! Annyeonghasaeyo :) How are you guys this morning ? I was awake around....2.30AM just now, and then fell back to sleep ^^ Very tired after Sociology Activity. Muscle cramped..oh so good ! haahaa ! Kidding. But hey, can you guys believe that I cried 3 times yesterday ? Yes, THREE FREAKING TIMES ! I cried too much.... First, I cried because of the video we watched during GP class. The topic was on 'Animal Farming', and I've never felt soooooooo guilty towards animals before ! And I've never seen SUCH CRUEL + HEARTLESS + BRAINLESS humans before ! Hey, hey. Don't be mad at me when I said this...this in MY POINT OF VIEW ! Yes, I can get too emotional sometimes. Come on, imagine if it happens in front of your eyes... Don't tell me you will just sit there and enjoy the show ?? OK, maybe you guys don't really understand what I'm trying to tell you. Heehee

We have watched on how ANIMAL FARMING looks like in other countries. And yes, I cried ! I cried for the animals ! I cried because I HATE THE HUMANS ! I can't stand on how they 'take care' of the animals there ! I felt like doing the same thing on them !! Yeah, I am overreacting sometimes...but it is because I STILL HAVE A HEART + A BRAIN ^^. Oh, no offence, please. *sigh, there's no use telling you guys like this. Maybe you can watch the video yourself and tell me if I'm WRONG for feeling pity towards the poor creatures. And, isn't it weird when I told my friend not to cry but, I actually cried ?? haahaahaa ! Can't help it. Too cruel. 

The Link : http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3zEzJBXInRw

WARNING ! WARNING ! WARNING ! THE VIDEO IS NOT SUITABLE FOR WEAK HEARTS & KIDS ! Please be prepared. Make sure you won't CRASH, SMASH, PUNCH, KICK, THROW YOUR COMPUTER AFTER WATCHING IT. And, please make sure you WON'T TRY TO STRANGLE, KILL, SHOOT ME after watching it too. You have been warned ! 

Second...our first Sociology Activity ^^ Sir told us to jog/sprint 10 rounds, star jumping 50 - 70 times & sit ups ! Oh goodness I FEEL SO LIGHT NOW ! No, that's not a punishment or even torture of us. It was A LESSON ! ^^ and I LOVE IT ! Well, the runnings and sit ups were not the cause of my tears...it was the session. When sir told us to LET GO OF OUR EGO and say SORRY to a friend. We stood facing each other (my friend and I), and looked DEEP into each other eyes. At first, I was giggling and so because I felt awkward. But then, sir told us to imagine the person who was standing right in front of us was someone else. Suddenly....yeah, I was thinking about 'him' :) You guys still remember 'him' ? My late best friend ? Yes, him. I said I was sorry and so on...but when I told my friend that he passed away..she was like O.O "are you serious?" Yes, she was shocked. Don't worry..I felt relieved after that ^^ Thanks, SIR & YAYA :) And the other reason is because I feel guilty for lying to my parents. I've lied so many times :'( Sorry Maa & Paa. but I love you guys with all my heart !! I lied because I don't want to upset you guys... I really love you and I rather died than seeing a tear rolls down your cheek... Saranghamnida, Omma & Appa.

Third...my brother in-law went to England to work. NO, that's not the actually reason ! I cried because everyone cried ! We sent him to the airport yesterday. At first, everything was calm....but then, when he had to inside, he hugged his mother and cried.. then when he hugged my sister (he is my sister's husband ^^), and my sis cried..then I cried for the reason that I don't know ! Yes...too much tears yesterday so I really hope I can smile again today (especially with this cramped) My brother in-law will be staying there for 6 months, if I'm not mistaken. But I believe, he is doing it for the family ^^ Awww~ cheesy me. haahaahaa !

Since I don't have any works today, so I decided to post something :) Well, actually I DO have work to do..but I think I'll let my brain rest for a while. I can't let it burns ! I should stop crying for now. I'm thinking of designing my bed room walls again ^^ Going to put moooooooore posters ! haahaahaa ! And also I need ideas for our PC (Peer Counselors) T-Shirts... Urrgghhhh...My poor brain !! 

Time's up ! Should be going now. Good-bye my loves ! See you soon ^^ Love-Love-Love All Of You Like A Love-Love-Love Song !

P/S: If every word is a love from you........ Then I'm the luckiest human alive ;) Kak Ilah...sayang akk. Sayang akk sgt3 ! Roses are red, the sky is blue.. I just want to say I really miss you ^^ 

@fafafadzil : I really want that pillow ^^ haahaahaa ! Love-Love-My-Angel

@farahatikah : Takziah, Lai. I'm really sorry to hear that... Take good care of yourself, neh ? I love you

@azee : Miss you, my-little-joker ^^ I wonder where you are now...

@amalkamaliah : I really miss you, sis. Hwaiting for your exam !

Why Must I Hide Myself.................?

* I Won't Break Down In Front Of You *

(Credit to the real owner)

Helwwww ! Assalamualaikum ^^ Annyeonghasaeyo :) my dear readers ! I miss you guys so much ! I'm really, really, really sorry for not updating this blog for a while. Trust me, when I first entered form 6.....I could see my END ! A real living hell ! Oh well, if you want to survive, just fight for it, right? So I will fight for it :)

Talk about hiding, escaping, walking away.... Actually, there is a reason why I planned to update this blog. People keep on shooting me with questions, asking me WHY I didn't reply their messages, inbox, text and comments. Let's be honest now...... I'm really, really, EXTREMELY busy with my school work, assignments and presentation ! Yes, that's the reason. I really wish to reply all the messages you guys sent, but usually it ends up 'Your credit balance is $O.O7..please bla bla bla bla' see..~ I hardly have time to go online on FB or Twitter. Yes, you can spot me on twitter sometimes, but please be noted that MY TWITTER JUST LOST ITS BRAIN ! Oh wait......does twitter have a brain ? O.o I don't know..there is something wrong with it, and sometimes I can't even see the mentions. OK ? Clear now ? FB, just like I mentioned earlier..my social life is completely 'DOWN' ! Even now, I still have to finish 3 tasks ! And to be handed it tomorrow.

Can you guys believe that last week, I didn't sleep for 2 days ? Yes, TWO DAYS ! I can't sleep --' fudge ! I hate my life now, but yeah....you don't have any choices ! Just do whatever you chose !

Actually, the main reason why I posted this.. I feel kind of lonely lately.. Remember my two favourite girls ? Farah & Azee ? I used to imagine that maybe the three (at least Farah will) of us will make it into sixth form. But.....I guess faith has it's own way. We split up...... And yes, I don't have my best friends at school. I prefer being alone sometimes, where I can recall how my life was when I have the girls with me.

Deep down inside........ I feel slightly jealous whenever my friends have their own best friends. They talk/gossip about a lot of things...and I'm kind of being isolated from the group. Well, maybe I'm the only one who feels that way..but still, my heart what makes me cry :) My new friends are the best, of course ! They are very friendly, funny and playful too. But.....I don't feel like myself when they are around. I see myself as a stranger. Who knows ? Maybe my existence annoys them ? It scares me.... I'm scared to face the future. Sometimes, I even forced myself to smile... I have to hold back my tears. I don't want to break down in front of people. That's not how YUY manages her life :) I don't share secrets either. I prefer to be in pain alone :) I don't want to be a burden...

I try to hide away from everyone. I don't want to wake up and face everything anymore ! Yes, I'm still the old 'FYQAH'. The girl who is lacking of confidence ! Call me anything......you won't understand how I drag myself until here. They might say that I tend to forget them...... No dear :) though this night might be the last night for me..I won't forget you guys :) I love you guys so much. I don't think I have to mention the names, right ? You know who you are. And I just want you to know...YOU HOLD A SPECIAL PLACE IN MY HEART :) <3 I may not be perfect. I can't be with you all the time. I may not be replying your messages (out of credit --'). I may not be your one and only.......but I can promise you, I'm original :)

No, I'm not giving up my life ! I just don't want people to think that I've forgotten them ! :( I really love you guys..please don't think of me that way. It hurts..... It hurts knowing that I'm not there with you when you needed me :(( I'm a bad friend.

Ah, my time is up. Need to continue with my work :) Promise, I will send/drop you some messages through inbox, twitter or even chatbox ;) yeah, the new chatbox... Whatever. I will be going now. Good-bye/ Good-night loves

Fyqah : Kak Ilah...... Fyqah syg akk. Akk tau kan ? Minta maaf sgt...sebab Fyqah xdpt balas message akk. Dh lama fyqah xonline......fyqah rindu sgt kat akk. Good-night *kiss*

Tagged

*Shut Up, Or Die.. Your Existence Is Not Needed Here*

(picture : Credit to The Real Owner)

Helww ! Annyeonghasaeyo ! Assalamualaikum :) I got bored and..yeah, I miss getting tagged and everything. So I post the one I got from FB :) Look ! I put Jaejoong as the intro picture ^^ *dancing around*

--:.:THE SELF:.:--
Real name: -Nurafiqah Hashim-
Nickname: -Fyqah / Yuy -(Got new nickname for no reason)
Married: -Status- Single -
Zodiac Sign: -Scorpio-
Gender: -Female-
Age: -Born in the year 1994-
High School: -S.M. Perdana Wazir-
College: -Just entered form 6-
Height: -156cm- so damn short ! --'
Weight: -I won't tell-
Do you like yourself: -Yes-
Piercings: -Used to have one-
Right or left: -Right-
Are you a freak : -Yeah-
Hair: -Brownish Black (?)-
Skin: -Fair-
Allergic: -Seafood-
What are you doing now: -Answering someone's questions-
What will you doing 1 hour later: -Still watching TV, I guess-
What will you doing 10 years later: -Studying ? Cradling a kid to sleep ?-

--:.:FAMILY:.:--
Live with mother/father/parents: -Parents-
Siblings(included you): -4-
Eldest: -Abg Ijam-
Youngest: -Me-
Love/hate your family: -Love them more than my own soul-

--:.:THE LOVE:.:--
You found your another half: -Not yet-
If yes, who is he/she: - -- -
If no, who you want he/she to be: -Someone who won't kill himself after a month with me-
Time(s) you in relationship: - None -
Ever woo boy/girl: -Hell no-
Anyone woo you before: -They won't even dare to come close to me-
Did anything wrong to your other half: -No.-
What was/were the wrong you have done: -I don't know-
Ever argue with your other half: -None-
You with your other half since: -I never have one-
Are you straight/Lesbo: -Straight-
Reasons you love your other half: -No idea-
You and your other half in which stage: -Have no stage-
You woo he/she or he/she woo you: -Neither-
Ever think of marry he/she: -You mean, the guy who loves & needs me? Yeah. Otherwise, no-

--:.:THE FRIENDS:.:--
Your first best friend: -I can say Fafa is my first best friend. My late best friend was like a brother to me-
Your first enemy: -The mirror-
The friends you love the most: -You know who you are, I don't have to list out the names-
The enemy you hate the most(1 only): -The mirror-
Your most beautiful girl friend: -Every woman is beautiful-
Your most handsome boy friend: -I hardly see a guy as handsome-
The kind of girl you hate the most: -Bitch-
The kind of boy you hate the most: -Whore-
You fall in love with your close friend before: -Yes-
Your best friend is your ex-lover: -Maybe yes, maybe no-
If your friend backstabbing you: -I'll sing.. I don't care eh eh eh eh eh-
If your friend betray you: -I believe she has found a better friend than me-
If your friend woo your lover: -I won't kill, just torture-
If your friends fall in love with you: -I know what to do-
If you fall in love with your best friend: -That's normal-

--:.:THE STUDIES:.:--
Are you a good student: -No-
You always done your homeworks/assignments : -Depends on my mood-
The teacher/tutor you love the most: -The teachers who have taught me about life-
Always late to school/college: -Sometimes-
Your class: -Form 6-
You love your seniors: -I respect them-
Senior who you love the most: -I don't know-
Your classmates good/bad: -They have different personalities-
Excellent result classmate: -Nabilah (Joonie)-
Laziest classmate: -I don't want to mention the name-

--:.:THE PEOPLE:.:--
Smart people: -People who can see their own mistakes-
Stupid people: -Those who think they are perfect-
Good looking people: -Those who have a good personality-
Ugly people: -The people in the mirror-
Funny people: -Who spread lies and talk as if they know everything-
Cute people: -If you think you are, don't stop, because it is true-
Bad people: -The retarded people-
Honest people: -People need to lie-
Acting people: -Actors (?)-
You are what kind of people: -Let the people judge me-

--:.:THE PREFER:.:--
Lip or eyes: -Eyes-
Hugs or kisses: -Hugs-
Shorter or taller: -Taller-
Hesitant or spontaneous: -Spontaneous-
Nice stomach or nice arms: -Nice stomach-
Listener or talker: -I need both-
Romantic or rich: -Need both-
Good husband or Good Father: -A good husband will make a good father-

--:.:THE FUTURE:.:--
Age to get marry: -26 (?), 27 (7)-
Numbers of kid(s): - 4 -
Career: -Lecturer-
Salary: -$ 4,000 & above only-
Retirement age: -Age 60 (?)-
Properties value: -I don't know-
Wishes: -I wish to be better-

I used to have this tag..but I can't remember. Oh well, won't kill to try :) Thanks.