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Heyy, guys.

It has been long since I updated this blog, right ? Sorry ^^ but .. who am I apologizing to anyway ? Haahaahaa ! I'm alone in here. No one here. So .. why the hell am I sorry for ? I'm sorry for my life. :)

I'm sorry for being me. I'm not a great person. I'm not as 'well-known' as some people thought I would. I'm just part of the society. Though I wish I wasn't one of the complicated humans ... what power do I have to stop myself from turning into one of them ? I just I could be someone whom people will look upon at, someone whom people will worry if I'm not around. I know I'm being selfish again, but who I am to stop all these things from happening ? For once, let me be selfish.

I understand how everything that had happened ... is basically my fault. I know. You don't have to list them down and slap it across my face. I know how pitiful my life is. But all I can do is to switch off the world and put my headphone on .. music full blast .. let me drown in my own 'world'. I don't belong anywhere ... I thought I would be useful to someone ....... but I guess I just got my hope too high again. I didn't want to let it go, but I did. I got hurt in the end ... severely in pain. Too bad the pain wasn't bad enough to kill me right on the spot.

Depression ? I'm not sure myself. Is it really depression that forced me to write all these ? Is it depression ? Haahaahaa ! I don't even know. I'm sorry for all the messages from you guys that I left without replying. Things happened, and I forget something easily too. I wanted to reply all of those messages, private messages, tweets, WA messages. I really wanted too .... but I don't want you guys to know my situation during that time. I need time to heal myself .. of course, I don't wish you guys to know what kind of 'injuries' or 'illness' that I was suffering from. (not that you guys would bother about it anyway haahaahaa !)

I just wish everything would be .......... just like before. Sometimes I wish I shouldn't have done it. I wish I didn't meet them .... I wish ...... I wish everything would be ........ different. Or at least, I wish for one ...... for at least one person to notice me. I don't want to be the third person in everything. I'm not a tool .. I want you to rely on me too. I want you to see me how you see them. .......I'm sorry. I'm so sorry for this post. I'm sorry for my flaws .. for all the lies .. for everything. I'm so sorry ...... but please.. please ........ if you don't need me anymore ........ please, erase me completely out of your life. It hurts to know that those people who I thought would need me as much as I need them actually don't see how important my existence is.

I'm sorry if I ever pushed you away .. sorry for not replying your messages (though I keep on telling you guys to resend me the message, just in case I didn't see it before.) I'm sorry .... for existing.

Maybe .... maybe this will be the last post for this blog. Thank you everyone, for those who have stayed. Thank you so much for teaching me how to create a blog. Of course, I remember everything. From the very first time. That immature little girl who just learned how to use a blog. Haahaahaa ! That idiot never change :) I remember how people talk about me ... asking me why I'm using Malaysian language instead of Bruneian. ....heck, what's wrong with using other language anyway ? I can't see your point in it. It's not like you don't understand Malaysian, right ? I just wanted to use Malaysian instead of Bruneian language .. no reason. I remember how my they said my e-mail is weird ... my language is weird .. my blog is weird. They don't understand a single thing about what I've written in my blog ..... who the hell told you to read my blog at the first place ? Haahaahaa ! I never said you can read it. :) In fact ... I don't want you to read it. I remember how I used to have a fight in this blog. Stupid me. OTL kekeke

I remember everything. They criticize me for everything, and I don't understand why. But I found a reason why I should hate people. :) They never have the intention to leave me alone ..... just to humiliate me once again ^^ Are you satisfied now ? Are you dancing to your victory dance now as you read this post ? haahaahaa ! Don't worry. I can't see it anyway. Sometimes I hope people will mention my name .... will actually remember me. But again ... how am I for people to remember ? I'm barely a person .... I'm solid (obviously) alright ..... but I'm just a shadow. I remember .... how they try to drag me down as I talked about things that should be 'adult-only' topics ... I didn't mention anything about 'beds' or 'ropes', dude. I just talked about 'love' ........ what ? They thought I was a kid before ............. dude, you don't know what you're talking about. haaahaahaa ! I remember .. whenever I updated my blog before ... they would make fun about it. ..what should I do ? I'm a kid to you guys, right ? So don't bother about my life anymore :) I don't need you ...... just like how I'm unneeded to you.

Remember I used to write a novel before ? Yeah, a Malay novel. ^^ ..it's a hobby. I wanted to be a writer, but I'm not creative enough kekeke ^^ Whenever I started to write the continuation for the next chapter ... I always thought .. 'hey, this is better' .. because I was too far away from the reality, so it felt amazing.

Thank you for those people who taught me how to create a blog, thank you for the one person who introduced me to 'what is a blog ?' .. thank you so much :) I don't feel like mentioning any names haahaahaa ! Why ? Because I know some will be like, "Why didn't she write down my name too ?! I'm one of them !" Nope .. nope. I'm too tired to entertain people right now. haahaahaa ! Kidding. I don't want you guys to feel left out if I accidentally forgot to mention you. I just hope those people will know how they are without me stating their names here. (Please spare me .. I'm exhausted) Let's not feel left out anymore, okay ? I'm not talking about me.. I'm talking about you guys. Just realize how important you are to someone though you thought you're not. I know how people are trying to ignore me .. but I never say a thing ^^ Why ? it's better that way. I have no reason to hold onto them, and they have no reason to stay anymore. I'm letting you guys go ^^

People can say bad stuffs about me .. they can say how 'ugly I am' or how 'ugly my voice is' .. I know. I hate myself too. haahaahaa ! But that doesn't make you any better. You might think that you're one of the best people since people are giving their attention to you. ....but girl, listen....you're lower than any shits that I've dealt with. I never said my voice was as angelic as any idols. I never said our dance moves are the best .. nope. I just like to stand on the stage, and dance with my friends. And no ... I don't need your opinion at all. I forgive you, don't worry. From the bottom of my heart .. I've forgiven you. I pity your life though. I can't imagine myself being in your shoes. You never know how good it is to have people who love you because they really do love you. You will never understand how great it feels to be yourself .. no dramas, no acting, no fake tears, no backstabbing missions. Oh God, I don't wish to trade my life with anything in this world. Alhamdulillah, because of your foul actions, I learn to keep myself at peace .. so I won't have the label 'fake bitch' stapled to my forehead :) Anyway, of course ... all your sins are forgiven .... but I'll keep everything in mind. Just in case some of your plastic army suddenly appear from nowhere and act like an innocent little angel with puppy eyes.

Once again ... I'm sorry and thank you. I know I've changed a lot lately. Got more busy and more distant ... what can I do ? I don't feel people will need me even if I stayed .. I feel bad for myself, so I don't want to hurt her anymore. I'll see what I'll to this blog in the future. Maybe I'll just delete it. It's getting boring anyway. Nothing works anymore. I don't know what the hell happened to my playlist .... nor my chatbox. haahaahaa ! What a weird blog. Blog, did you just eat up all the things I put up here ? Aiyaa... don't be like that. kekeke !

For those people who I really wish they would care for me too ..... Thank you so much ... I'm sorry .. Please take care. And good bye .


:: sincerely, me. (THE SOULLESS GIRL) ::